Chapman's "Growing Up Social" offers new perspective to the screen-dependent family

So, somehow I thought I had written this review already. But apparently I did not. Maybe because subconsciously I was feeling guilty about my use of screens as baby-sitters of late. Over the past four months, we've moved 8 1/2 hours away from the only home my three boys have ever known. We've lived with family and friends, started a new school and new jobs. Transition has a way of wrecking hard-wrought schedules or forestalling good intentions. This is all a fancy way of confessing that sometimes I let my older boys play on pbskids.org or lego.com for 3 hours straight. Sometimes my 2-year-old watches his favorite episode of Curious George (the one with the mariachi band) three times in a row. And it keeps me sane for those hours... and it also makes my younger two boys super cranky and ungrateful when it's time to unplug. There. I've gotten that off my chest.

I knew I needed a book like Growing Up Social: Raising Relational Kids in a Screen-Driven World, co-authored by Alrene Pellicane and Gary Chapman of 5 Love Languages fame. I aspire to have children who play outside whenever its above freezing, who read books for fun, and who play together using their imaginations. I want my boys to value creativity and generosity and kindness over the accumulation of stuff. I feel like this book speaks to that longing.

Hatmaker's "For the Love": my new favorite book

The first thing you should know about this book and this author is that she's hilarious. If you're tired of boring and dry, this is the antidote. However, if you're like me and consider yourself a serious thinker, you might worry where the opening humor, light hearted self-deprecation and self-helpy prose are leading you. Happily, there's depth and wisdom and maturity bubbling beneath Hatmaker's big personality.

What's striking about pastor and popular blogger Jen Hatmaker's newest book For the Love: Fighting for Grace in a World of Impossible Standards is that she blends personal stories, theology, humor, and practical tips for child rearing, marriage and Christian community so seamlessly. There's even recipes for Roast Lamb and Pad Thai in there. In this way, it's somewhat like a blog. Yet all the parts send a cohesive message, which I think is summed up in these freeing words Hatmaker gives to her five children: "God measures our entire existence by only two things: how we love Him and how we love people. If you get this right, you can get a million other things wrong" (189).

Review of Donald Miller's "Scary Close"

As much as I like reading self-help and how-to, the most impactful life lessons seem to come from watching those I admire in their everyday moments or hearing their stories over a cup of tea. I think this is why I felt like I could learn so much from Blue Like Jazz author Donald Miller's newest book, Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Finding True Intimacy, which reads like a friend recounting poignant memories--some painful, some sweet. This might sound strange, but as I read, I got the feeling that if Miller could befriend my husband and I, he would. 

On the surface, this is a book about Miller's road to emotional health after years of failed relationships before he met his fiance (now wife). But it's really so much more than a book on how to marry the right person or to be the kind of person that snags a spouse or how to have a good marriage, though the principles could be applied to any of those pursuits. And, refreshingly, despite "intimacy" being in the subtitle, this is a Christian book on marriage, written by a man, that does not once mention sex (my husband was quick to point this out to me.) The intimacy Miller explores is the best kind of connection, honesty and closeness we can experience with our spouses, children, friends and even coworkers. He also writes a chapter on the "Five Kinds of Manipulators" to show the unhealthy behaviors we should avoid in ourselves and in potential relationships. Throughout the book, Miller's willingness to learn from others and to see himself as helpful to others has encouraged me to reframe my perception of my own relationships.

I finished the book feeling inspired by the many stories of healthy relationships and the insights gleaned from these examples. Between parents and children: Paul Young's story of rebuilding his family's trust after an affair had me in tears. Miller's picture of the relationship the Youngs have with their grown children now says it all: "In the past, when I've had dinner with them, I was surprised at how freely and openly they talked through whatever problem they were dealing with. It's as though their family was a refuge, a place where everybody could be themselves with no fear of being judged" (159).   Between husbands and wives: My favorite insight was Miller's musings on how his wife Betsy would not "complete him" a la Jerry Maguire. Instead, he writes that every human being has an eternal longing and thirst in their heart that will only be filled when Jesus returns. We can't expect even our closest relationship to fill that void, but we can enjoy experiencing that longing together with our spouse. There's also a bit where Miller writes up a business plan for his marriage that is way more awesome than it sounds. But I'm going to leave that as bait for you to get this book and read it with someone you love :)

It's not my habit to write glowing reviews without spending at least a paragraph or two on what I perceive as flaws in the book. So consider this my Valentine's Day present to the blogosphere. I truly enjoyed this book as a whole and am still musing, savoring and praying over its many facets.

*I would spend my own money on this book, but for the purposes of this review I received a free copy from the generous folks at BookLook in exchange for my honest opinion.*

Review of "Mothering From Scratch" by Melinda Means & Kathy Helgemo

Instead of clarifying my goals as mother, reading multiple parenting guides can often muddy the waters, as many books give contradicting methods and philosophies. Usually, I end up taking a little bit away from every book, some more than others. Bloggers Melinda Means' and Kathy Helgemo's new book Mothering From Scratch: Finding the Best Parenting Style for You and Your Family got my hopes up. Here was a book that validated my pick and choose approach to mothering, and promised to help me determine when a certain style or practice was a good fit for me and my family. I think what this book ended up being was Means and Helgemo's recipe for how they've parented from scratch, with little bites of wisdom from all over the body of Christian parenting literature as well as what they've gleaned over time from each other and from their blog community. The book's strengths are in its overall affirming message, the honesty and friendliness of the authors and some very helpful points. However, because of the book's scattered, eclectic format, I didn't feel like it helped me hone in on my best parenting style. I'm giving it 3 out of 5 stars.

What I liked:
The authors do provide wisdom culled from their many years mothering and thoughtfully assessing different parenting styles learned from books, other moms and their own mothers. In particular, I was forced to reevaluate myself in the chapter "Mom Mentors: Turning Rivals to Resources," and I plan to pray over the authors' gentle urging to forge one good peer-to-peer mentoring relationship this year. This honest, insightful look into the fallen way we women often mistakenly view our peers as rivals in this quest for perfection was the most helpful part of the book for me.

Secondly, the authors' own vulnerability comes through with honesty and humor from the very first pages. I loved the example these two women set for their readers: They come from different social and even denominational backgrounds, yet they've opened their hearts to each other to produce something to help other moms. For readers who don't want to be talked down to and received with open arms, Means and Helgemo offer refreshing voices.

Thirdly, I feel the overall emphasis on grace and ditching the goal of being a perfect mom is helpful and healthy for any Christian parent. The final section of the book, "Mothering with Wisdom and Grace," encourage women to make space for "satisfying self-care," including time alone with their Father. Many Christian parenting books assume that readers already know to do this, and focus instead on methods or philosophies or desired outcomes of their brand of parenting. The authors make time in prayer, reflection and Bible study a key component of their mothering recipe.

What I didn't like:
I docked the first star for stylistic reasons; other readers might really like the magazine quality of the book's format with its constant switching between the two authors, testimonies from others, sidebars and pull quotes. I felt distracted and a little annoyed that this, like too many books geared toward moms, assume we all have ADD and can only handle focusing on a particular topic for 20 seconds.

The second star I took away is what I feel the root detractor of the book (for me). The book's cover, which features a lovely photograph of flour dusted hands cradling an imperfect, tender heart of dough, has a poetic beauty that drew me in. Perhaps because of the message of many books I've read in the last year-- Kingsolver's Animal, Vegetable, Miracle, Pollan's Cooked, Sweet's From Tablet to Table and Noll's Slow Family Living to name just a few-- I fancied this book might also encourage moms toward slowing down, treasuring little moments with their children and cutting out the chaos of a highly-processed life. But in many places the book actually cuts the other way. For example, they advise moms to stock up on pre-made meals to give them more time for other responsibilities. This wasn't really a big deal; I just misread the cover design.

My second unfulfilled expectation was the one I couldn't ignore. The subtitle, "Finding the Best Parenting Style for You and Your Family," caused me to assume the authors might discuss in more depth the main parenting philosophies out there and give pros and cons of each. Perhaps devoting a chapter to each, and including personal testimonies and profiles from real moms who thrived or struggled under those philosophies/strategies to help illustrate why a particular parenting style was or wasn't the best for someone. Obviously, as the book does clearly stress, no one is going to really find that a particular book or philosophy exactly fits their personality and family's needs (unless they themselves author the book!) Therefore, I also imagined a concluding section that gave tips on how to choose the best from various parenting outlooks, how to create that personal style from scratch, using ingredients from all the parenting wisdom out there. Those that liked the book more than I did might argued the authors do provide advice for someone to determine their style, (Take the Myers-Briggs Personality Type Indicator Test! --I'm an INFP, btw), to determine their family's needs (Ask them!), and drop what doesn't work (If you don't like being crafty, don't do it!) I just felt like what were meant as sage advice were kind of no-brainers.

I don't want to end on such a snarky note. Truth is, I'm so far from figuring out this weighty, wonderful adventure of raising three boys. I could and did gain valuable insight from this book, despite having to sift through a bit of clutter in my search to find it.

*Thanks to Bethany House Publishers for a free copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.*

Review of "From Tablet to Table" by Leonard Sweet

I'm a foodie and a storyteller, so I was delighted to read Leonard Sweet's From Tablet to Table, in which he argues that God incarnate invites us to find our identity (how we fit into His story) and true community around the dinner table in our homes, churches and in the world.

This is a little book with ample white space and font size. For that reason, it was easy on the eyes and easy to gobble up the 162 pages in three sittings.  Sweet's poetic writing style and constant word play around the metaphor of the table also drew me in and played in my mind like a charismatic preacher's sermon-- not surprisingly, since Sweet is the lead writer of Sermons.com.

In the first half of the book, Sweet establishes the superiority of the table over the tablets of law for nourishing and imparting God's story into our hearts. Jesus, he argues, was very interested in what was for dinner. He taught not from a pulpit, but while reclining at table with friends, inviting himself to dinner with sinners, providing a mountainside meal to thousands. The predominant "narraphor" of the entire Bible, Sweet argues, is God preparing a table before us.

Besides being inspirational, there's also a good bit of practicality in these pages. Sweet provides rapid fire statistics from modern secular studies that have shown that frequent family dinners around a table are the biggest factor in boosting children's intelligence, compassion, vocabulary and future academic success and in preventing drug-use, obesity, eating disorders and suicidal thoughts. The mom in me was convinced, and the journalist in me was especially pleased at Sweet's extensive source list at the back of the book.

The second part of the book explores how we can continue to do table in remembrance of Jesus in our homes, in churches and while loving our neighbors outside the church. At this point, I was hoping for rich stories of real people with vibrant table time in each of these settings. Instead, I felt Sweet focused too heavily on the perils of modern life, in which children eat Big Macs while playing games on the iPad and where "two bodies eating together at the same table but on different planets in mind and spirit" (90) is a frequent restaurant scene.

To combat our struggles with the tide of the age, Sweet employs his table metaphor as a panacea. To any problem, he urges, "Table it. Table everything" (124). Yet, as much as I agree that the table promises a sacred time and space for family bonding, I don't quite know what that looks like (for me) practically. If I'm having trouble herding my three little children and busy husband to the table, if no one likes eating the same foods and if everyone is hungry at different times, how does "tableing it" solve my problem? How do I even get everyone to the table?

But, to be fair, this isn't that book. This is the anthem, the love song to true communion, growth, and transformation around the table. And Sweet eventually permits that could be a metaphoric table. As long as people are in the habit of eating together and truly connecting with those with whom they're eating, Jesus will be the food and the drink. While this book does not lay out a tablet of rules or the "7 steps to better family dinners," I find my heart is both fed and hungry for life at my Lord's table.

*Many thanks to Tyndale for sending me a complimentary copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.*

Review of "Jotham's Journey"

I know it's not very helpful when a blogger posts a review of a book for Advent after Christmas, but I'm going to do it anyway. I had been eyeing Jotham's Journey: A Storybook for Advent, by Arnold Ytreeide, for a couple of years now, but knew my children were too young to sit through a serial story without pictures. A family tradition of reading together, an idea promoted on the back of Ytreeide's book, is something I hope to incorporate into every holiday season. Because things get really busy with all the trappings of Christmas in our consumer culture, it wasn't easy to carve out time each night to read to the boys, and only my 6-year-old stuck through to the end of the story. But he did enjoy the story of a little 10-year-old shepherd boy who gets separated from his family after an impulsive act of defiance. Throughout the nightly chapters, Jotham gets stalked by wild jackals, sold into slavery, rescued by an Essene scribe from Qumron (the place where the Dead Sea Scrolls were discovered), and chased all over Israel by a menacing villan named Decha of Megido. He also crosses paths with Elizabeth and Zechariah, Simeon and Anna before finding his parents in Bethlehem, where his family has returned to register for the census. I think you can guess who Jotham meets in the final chapter.

The chapters take about 10 to 15 minutes to read aloud. Both my husband and I, who took turns reading the nightly installments, modified the language of the book, which I found to be a tad too graphic for little kids in some places and too flowery in most places. The writing is geared toward children 10 and up, but the action-packed plot and closing cliff-hangers kept my son's attention. As historical fiction, the story brings the culture of the time of Christ's birth to life. As a devotional, the book includes brief passages for reflection at the end of each chapter. I didn't always read these segments, but I'm glad they were there and I can see myself including them in future years as my boys' attention spans and comprehension grow. Additionally, Jotham's Journey is the first of three books Ytreeide has written for Advent. The other two focus on other children Jotham met on his journey. We enjoyed Jotham enough that I plan to purchase the other two and rotate through these three books each Christmas season.

Review of "In Her Kitchen" by Gabriele Galimberti

At only 22, Gabriele Galimberti's first real gig took him on a photography expedition around the world. Because he'd never traveled much beyond his small Italian hometown of Castiglion Fiorentino, Galimberti's grandmother expressed concern about his pending adventure. What would her grandson eat, and who would cook for him, she wondered aloud as she served him her homemade ravioli. Galimberti writes that this was the moment he hatched his plan to find, cook with and photograph grandmas from each place he visited, capturing their signature dishes and stories. The result was In Her Kitchen: Stories and Recipes from Grandmas Around the World.

What this book is:

I first sat down with this 250-page coffee table book with my 6-year-old son, Stephen, who has a thing for maps. The inside cover is printed with a world map index pinpointing all the locations Galimberti visited. Stephen enjoyed picking a location from the map then flipping to the corresponding page to learn about cultures and food so different from his own. Each entry includes a full page portrait of the cook posing with the ingredients for her dish in her kitchen or dining room.The facing page features a close up of the finished cuisine. The following two pages provide a brief story about the cook and her family as well as the recipe for the dish. I enjoyed reading through the entire tome, trying to guess the country of origin from the photographs before flipping the the extended caption on the next page. I love that I now know a little bit about Latvian cooking and that I have a Greek grandma's recipe for making phyllo dough from scratch. There were a number of recipes I was eager to try, such as Galimberti's own grandmother's Swiss Chard and Ricotta Ravioli with Meat Sauce. And with the amusing exceptions of recipes requiring moth maggots and fresh caught iguana, most of the dishes involved easily accessible ingredients and common kitchen tools.

What it isn't:

Though it provides recipes from five of the seven continents, the book is not a definitive introduction to the world's cuisines, nor an expertly written cookbook. I tried the recipe for Empanadas Criolla from Argentina, and was surprised that the pastry crust didn't use any oil or fat. (The filling was very tasty though!) Additionally, having studied basic Chinese while living in Taiwan, I questioned the author's translation for the word "rou" as "meat cooked again in the wok," when in fact, it simply means "meat." However, considering that Galimberti cooked and ate with 60 grandmothers in nearly as many countries over a two-year stint, I can cut him some slack. Combine that with the fact that the author and his subjects often communicated in a language that was neither's native tongue, and I know that some details could have easily been lost in translation.  

This is also not award-winning photojournalism. The images are nicely composed and lit, but they follow a predictable pattern: each woman stands or sits behind a table on which the ingredients are symmetrically arranged. Because they aren't candid, the photos give the impression that each grandma had plenty of time to dress for company and stuff her clutter into the coat closet just outside the frame. Few of the photos include additional family members, which means we don't get to see the grandmothers interact or loved ones enjoying the food. At first, I thought that this detracted from the storytelling, but upon second musing, I felt that Galimberti was sending a message of solidarity and unity through his use of uniformity. Through repetition, he triggers our collective consciousness of the importance of food and family.

My take-away:

I'm more than impressed with this project because I can imagine the work that went into travelling to so many far-flung places, connecting with host homes and collecting the stories and recipes. This isn't an expert-vetted cookbook or the most poignant photo essay I've seen. But taken as a whole, these 60 grandmas and their food stories are a powerful testament that people the world over are connected by their communion over a good meal and good company. In Her Kitchen is a great way for an arm chair or kitchen table chair traveler to sample some home cooking that might not appear in typical cookbooks. Each photo story was like an appetizer; it just enough to whet my appetite for exploring more of their cultures, countries and cuisines.

Thanks to Blogging for Books for a copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.

Review of "In This House We Will Giggle" by Courtney DeFeo

I'm always looking for inspiration and encouragement as I raise three energetic and unique little boys. The title of Courtney DeFeo's book, In This House We Will Giggle: Making Virtues, Love & Laughter a Daily Part of Your Family Life, attracted me because it signaled a book full of grace rather than legalistic "training." 

Overview

Each chapter in We Will Giggle is devoted to one of 12 virtues: love, joy, forgiveness, faith, patience, perseverance, respect, responsibility, service, humility, gratitude and generosity. These chapters begin with a short kid-friendly definition of the featured virtue before flowing into Courtney and her many mentors’ and friends’ thoughts on instilling this virtue into children.

In each chapter, DeFeo also offers a memory verse, talking points, and a lesson plan with discussion questions, a big family activity, shorter optional activities and a corresponding passage to read out of Sally Lloyd-Jones’ The Jesus Storybook Bible. There are also "60 Ways to Bring out the Giggles" sidebars sprinkled throughout the book. It was a lot to take in at first glance, and took me a couple of chapters before I settled into the rhythm of all the components. But instead of letting myself get overwhelmed, I took DeFeo’s advice from the preface to heart: “I encourage you to customize all these resources to fit the style and needs of your family, discarding anything that doesn’t work and mixing in your own creative ideas” (9).

What Spoke to Me

DeFeo’s chapters on Forgiveness, Patience, Perseverance and Humility especially resonated with me, as evidenced by the amount of my underlining, starring and scribbling in the margins. I was especially inspired by her prayer and vision for homes where “we hear their hearts and take responsibility for our part in any conflict. Homes where we never expect perfection but commit to continued growth, where we end difficult conversations with a hug, and where we always point one another back to the only perfect way: the love of Jesus” (51-52). Apologies are not just hollow niceties, but true forgiveness is a “bridge to personal freedom” with a focus on “building relationships” and “nurturing healthy hearts” (57). These are life lessons that many adults have never learned.

As a mom who often caves to every little whimper or trembling lip, I needed to hear DeFeo’s thoughts on the importance of instilling perseverance. The next time I’m tempted to rescue one of my sons from discomfort or struggle, I will have to borrow DeFeo’s line: “‘No, you cannot quit; take a break, but you must finish,’” in order to give them the “gift of character growth and a lifetime of hope” (117).

I’m also keen on her insights into the “tension between humility and confidence.” DeFeo says she never wants her girls to develop an attitude of superiority, yet she strives to raise them to be passionate in their identity in Christ and confident enough to “lead boldly from their gifts” (194). I’ve made this a part of my prayer for my sons as well.

What Didn't

I was a little disappointed that the idea of giggling as an addictive way to instill virtues and godly behavior wasn’t emphasized as much as I expected. I thought this would be the centerpiece of the book, but goofiness mostly appeared in the somewhat disjointed and distracting “60 Ways to Bring Out the Giggles” sidebars that peppered the already busy pages of the book. Having said that, I understand not every teaching moment can or should be full of raucous laughter. However, it made me think the title of the book was a ploy to set it apart from the many other great parenting books that present a similar message of grace.

Another little qualm I had stems from the fact that I’m raising three boys who love to wrestle, rough house or hole up in their rooms building with Legos for hours on end. They don’t care much about exploring their emotions or creating crafty gratitude tote bags or picture journals. (I wish they did, as that would be more fun for me!) DeFeo’s experience raising girls didn’t always translate to my own experience in the land of dirty hands and bug boxes. To her credit, DeFeo includes a few stories about her friend’s little boys. But overall, I found myself thinking, “I could never get this to work with mine.” And… regarding the book's visuals, the abundant daisy and curlicue design elements were a bit much for this minimalist designer’s taste.

My Take-Away

We Will Giggle has got my own creative juices flowing as I’m encouraged to teach virtues more deliberately in my own home. I like the idea of taking it slow, with one virtue emphasis per month, and plan to incorporate DeFeo’s simple, illuminating definitions and catch phrases into my own conversations. I would recommend this book to other moms, especially homeschooling mothers or even Sunday school teachers who are looking for interesting and generally low-budget activities and projects to help get kids thinking about and practicing the virtues Jesus exhibits.

*I received this book from Blogging ForBooks in exchange for an honest review.*

Review of "The Brainy Bunch"

After seeing some of the Harding kids on a video online, Joe purchased the Kindle version of their book, The Brainy Bunch: The Harding Family Method to College Ready by Twelve. Written by Kip and Mona Lisa Harding and many of their ten children, the book chronicles Lisa's experience homeschooling her enormous brood at an accelerated pace, while intermittently taking on part-time jobs to help pay the bills and put her husband through college, grad school and a PhD program. The bulk of the book seems to be written by Mona Lisa, with an occasional sidebar by Kip and several essays from the kids-- possibly meant to showcase their college-readiness but mainly showing that the kids believed their home school method to be a positive experience.

First, let me give a summary of "The Harding Family Method." After reading the book in a few sittings, I gleaned these basic points for achieving college ready by age 12:

• Teach kids to read between 4 and 5 
• Acquire home school curricula of your choice
• Teach them math at an accelerated pace (Lisa writes that she didn't get hung up on whether they knew 7 x 8 before moving on to more advanced concepts)
• Journal every day, starting by a parent writing what the child says and eventually having the child write
• Teach grammar by correcting their journal entries
• Read history and science related books each day
• Allow kids to read for pleasure after math, writing and history/science reading is completed
• Ask the child what they want to be when they grow up
• Based on their answer, give them high school or college level textbooks for that subject to peruse
• Fill out child's high school transcripts like a checklist rather than in chronological order
• Begin ACT prep around age 8, with the goal of passing the minimum entry requirement for whichever college is close to home and has a program that matches the child's interest
• Shoot for the minimum entry requirement
• Dual enroll in a community college as early as possible, using loopholes or downplaying the child's age while applying

While Mona Lisa does write at length about how she juggled so many different children and how she kept a close watch over her tweens as they attended college, she is a little bit vague on her actual teaching methods. I guess this is because she did rely heavily on home school materials and educational websites to do a lot of the teaching. As someone who is not really planning to home school, I still found some good inspiration from this book. 

Here's what I liked:

The Hardings emphasize helping a child find his or her passion and really running with it. They tailor the child's lessons for an actual career of the child's choosing. They see each of their children as individuals and promote each family member as their resident expert in something. Home schooling's biggest benefit, in my mind, is that students are not bound to study "core" material that would obscure their passion for a particular subject or bog down the process of honing their natural abilities. In addition, teaching key skills in a way that links them to the child's dream job seems like a great way to motivate them to work hard and see the importance of learning.

The emphasis on teaching children to learn on their own was another highlight. Lisa admitted she never did science experiments because the materials seemed too costly and potentially dangerous, but she is a big fan of responding to her kids' curiosity by telling them to "Google it and come back and tell me the answer." Probably when ten children are asking questions, this is the most efficient way to satisfy their curiosity without going crazy finding all the answers yourself. But I also think that teaching children to search out their own answers is important. I would also add that children should be taught how to discern whether an online source is credible.

Daily reading and journaling also struck me as the antithesis to the glut of busywork that I remember from my public school education. To be lifelong learners, children need to love reading. Helping them find quality literature and nonfiction from a young age can kindle that love. As a journalist, I also think that as children get older, it would be incorporate current events into that daily diet by encouraging children to read news stories about their areas of interest. Keeping a journal of things learned is useful on so many levels. Children learn to distill large amounts of information into a single page and they can admire their progress by looking back at previous entries. I've been working with Stephen to keep a journal of books from the library. He draws a picture and copies the title or writes a few words to describe what he's drawn. Then, I ask him to tell me the story in a few sentences and I copy them onto the page. Eventually, he will be able to write more on his own. We also have a "STEM" journal for science and nature observations, though right now it's mostly filled with Stephen's drawings of various Wild Kratts episodes. 

What I didn't like:

Though I agreed with the above approaches, I did have some qualms.

The book is poorly written, organized and edited. I'll cut Mona Lisa some slack on her writing style and lack of focus on many of the books chapters, with ten kids and all :)

The book never convincingly explains why getting through college by 17 or 15 is so beneficial. One Amazon reviewer suggested the real aim was to skip from the innocence of childhood to the responsibility of adulthood while cutting out the potential rebellious phase of adolescence. I'm not quite so cynical, but I found the Harding's argument that it made sense financially (as college tuition costs are rising every year!) to be less than compelling. Why not allow children to pursue their passion at a more standard pace and help them to go to the best program for their field? As a writing tutor, I know that some college students write at a grade-school level. I feel that pushing children to a no-name college at a early age is not necessarily a testament to their academic prowess. Rather, it might reveal the weakness of the college. Will any college degree do for achieving one's dreams? Will all colleges offer the same quality of education? And what will a college grad do at age 15 when they are too young to be hired or even drive? Oh yeah: get a master's degree.

The chapter written for those who aren't homeschooling begins encouragingly enough by saying that there are many things parents can do for their public or private schooled children. However, the list of practical suggestions is thin and quickly tilts toward suggesting that one should home school after all. I got the impression that the publisher required the Hardings to include this chapter to broaden the market for the book, and the authors obliged them by cobbling together some random thoughts to show that such a chapter doesn't belong in their book.

Many times, the book feels like a platform for other purposes besides outlining the "Method." In particular, for promoting the Hardings' particular brand of quiver-full Christianity, for bragging about their fleeting moments of would-be stardom, and for promoting their phone consultation business and skiing website. It's their book, so they should be free to share their beliefs and promote themselves, but I felt that the addition of so many recommended resources (Harding Hip Hop Dance Party Playlist anyone?) really cluttered up the main idea of the book.

Finally, I have a beef with the authorship of the book. Kip's name is listed first, but from what I can tell the book was mainly written by Mona Lisa and padded up with essays from the kids. Kip is the one working on a doctorate in education, so ideally, he'd be showing how educational theory supports or enriches this approach. Instead, Kip writes a "chapter" near the end of the book that's basically a sappy group thank you note to his wife and ten children. 

The Take-Away:

If you are home schooling and like watching the Duggars, you might enjoy reading this book for the stories Mona Lisa tells and to glean God-centered ideas for balancing the busyness that comes with educating a big family. However, I've pretty much summarized the main educational content of the book in the first section of this review. For that reason, I don’t really recommend buying this book, as I didn't feel it was really worth the $10 Kindle price. On the other hand, I often wag my finger at my husband for his purchases, so I might be biased. Perhaps I can get Joe to weigh in as well.

Review of "Clutterfree with Kids"

As a mom of three boys, I read Joshua Becker's Clutterfree with Kids hoping to gain insight into pairing down our household possessions to the essential and limiting the influx of gifts from well-meaning relatives each holiday and birthday. The author is sort of a minimalist guru who runs popular blog, becomingminimalist.com. Becker seemed to echo other writings on simplicity with familiar ideas, such as: own less to live more, value relationships over things, be free of debt, live below your means, and treasure the simple things in life.

Clutterfree is arranged into three sections: 1) Change Your Thinking, 2) Discover New Habits and 3) Free Your Life. The first and third sections are predominantly philosophical. The middle section gets more practical with chapters on various areas of life that tend toward clutter: toys, clothes, artwork, sentimental items, collections, screens, photos, gifts, packing, schedules and baby gear. Each of these chapters begins with an anecdote about a mom who learned to de-clutter that particular area before launching into general suggestions for controlling clutter.

After reading the roughly 200 double-spaced pages, I was disappointed that I didn't find any really new or innovative ideas to help me build on my already minimalist-leaning ideology. I also found the writing to be sometimes repetitious and scattered, like a compilation of bullet points converted into a series of short, loosely connected paragraphs. A sprinkling of typos and style issues made the text appear a little cluttered to this former copy editor. But normal people probably won't find these detractors as irksome as I did!

On the plus side, the book’s strength is in motivating readers to reject their own consumerist and materialistic tendencies, creating a minimalist mindset that should, ideally, trickle down to the children they parent. Many of the ideas in this book weren't necessarily kid-specific; however, I agree with Becker's view that if the parents change, the kids will learn through their example. Throughout the book, he reiterates principles for simplifying life by focusing on relationships and the gifts money can't buy, such as contentment, generosity, curiosity and imagination. While all of this certainly resonated with me, I can't say I had any epiphanies. Some of his suggestions did illuminate the fact that Joe and I actually already make a lot of minimalist choices: we don't own a TV, we buy clothing only to replace something that has worn out, we encourage our boys to go outside rain or shine, and we make a habit of giving money, time and hospitality to others.

In sum, I can appreciate and promote Becker’s message: Living clutter-free is not about having a beautiful home that is the envy of all your neighbors. In fact, the final chapter is devoted to warning readers against the pitfalls of envy and comparison. Eliminating clutter means breaking free from the bondage of “stuff” and giving yourself the mental and physical space to really focus on relationships with those you love.

Review of "Slow Family Living"

My life is anything but slow. Between cooking, cleaning, clothing, diapering, wiping, burping, bathing, transporting, disciplining and putting to bed (sometimes multiple times) three children, there's not a lot of time to "take four slow deep breaths" as blogger Bernadette Noll suggests in the third mini-chapter of this book. But I do long for a life that isn't so frenzied and so driven by our be-busy-or-be-worthless culture. I want to live intentionally and to savor the truly important bits of motherhood. The title of this book, "Slow Family Living," seems to borrow vocabulary from the Slow Food Movement-- an effort to cook and eat fresh, locally grown and organic produce and to use techniques that hearken from a slower, simpler time. I thought Noll's book might be the parenting version of slow foods, but its is less about doing family the slow, old-fashioned way and more a collection of 75 activities, questionnaires and exercises to refocus your attentions on your family and to make the members of your family the centerpiece in everything you do in daily life.

The 75 ideas in this book fell into a few categories for me.

Things I liked and can imagine implementing:
#10 Listen with Your Heart Open - Really listening to your kids/spouse without interjecting.
#15 High Point-Low Point - Before bed, review the day and ask them their best and worst moments.
#16 The Blitz: A Family Tidy Up - Set a timer for 15 minutes of whole-family frenzied cleaning of the house.
#17 Spend Nothing Day - Just what it sounds like. 
#27 Do-Over - Train kids (and yourself) to request a "do-over" when you hear yourself say something unkind.
#36 Just Ten Extra Minutes - Plan 10 extra minutes into every activity or transition so that you don't have to hurry around like a madwoman herding cats.
#42 Sigh. Forgive. Let Go. Move On. - Again, pretty self-explanatory.
#55 Out with the Old - Each member of the family gets rid of one thing each day in December leading up to Christmas.

Things we already do:
#22 Go Outside and Play - Everyday above freezing, and sometimes below freezing, our boys are out there.
#34 Keeping a Family Journal - I think my other blog, The Daily Munchie, counts for this.
#63 Dance Party Rock Band - We call ours a "Robot Dance Party" and play Daft Punk. 
#68 DEAR (Drop Everything and Read) Time - I really had no idea this was a thing. And with a clever acronym to boot!
#71 Don't Sweep Until the Rice Dries - Except in my house, it's don't sweep until the macaroni has dried and been stepped on enough times to dislodge it from the floor.

Things I'd like to do in the future, but feel like it borders on wishful thinking:
#23 Camp Out at Home - Pitch a tent in the backyard on a weeknight. 
#50 A Night in the Park - Noll's family meets weekly with three other families at a local park to eat, chat and play the night away. I hope our family could be so blessed some day.

Stuff I just don't really want to do:
#9 Dropping Love Bombs - Kind of the group hug equivalent of dinging your glass at a wedding. Just not my thing.
#65 The Family Lemonade Stand - Or not.
#67 Freaky Friday - I hate that kind of movie, so I can only imagine the discomfort reenacting it with my children would bring.

OK, so I just summarized a quarter of the book for you :) Now a few minor criticisms: I think if you are drawn to a book called "Slow Family Living," you'll find that the concepts in this book will reinforce your parenting philosophy, but won't necessarily lend any earth-shattering new insights. You might also be frustrated if you don't have ready access to things like Noll's hometown of Austin, TX, readily offers, like a corner store within walking distance or plentiful public parks. (But, maybe if one is serious about slow family living, moving to a location that makes it possible is a serious consideration?) I also found some of the suggestions were a little too touchy-feely, pop-psychology for my personal tastes. Noll's writing style was also a tiny bit of a distraction for me, as she ends most chapters with a chirpy cliche like: "That's a win-win-win!" or "And who doesn't need more love?"  But I'd probably like her better in person than in print. Overall I recommend this book to someone looking for ideas to help enjoy family life more. I found that reading Noll's suggestions got me in the frame of mind to keep trying new things with my family to see what can help me connect more fully despite this frenetic age.

Review of "Jesus Feminist"

Over the weekend, I finished reading Sarah Bessey's Jesus Feminist: An Invitation to Revisit the Bible's View of Women: Exploring God's Radical Notion That Women Are People, Too. Let me just begin by saying it's not what you think. Despite its controversial title and sarcastic subtitle, much of Bessey's book resonated with me. Written in the popular blogger's conversational, metaphor-saturated style, Jesus Feminist is very much an invitation to those disenchanted with their church's stance on or treatment of women to join others at a "bonfire on the beach" to be bandaged up, edified and commissioned to a new, fresh calling of living fully as God intended.

For the completely uninitiated into the world of Christian feminism, the early chapters briefly probe how traditional "clobber" passages like 1 Corinthians 14:34-35 (keep your mouths shut, ladies!) and 1 Timothy 2:11-12 (no teaching men either!) should shape our theology and culture. Bessey gently suggests that Paul's apparent silencing and subordinating of women in these verses should be taken within the particular context and for the particular audience for whom the letters were written. This is an argument that I've heard articulated more effectively by Greg Boyd, Rachel Held Evans, Richard Foster and others, so I didn't feel Bessey added anything "radically" new to the conversation. But for those who aren't familiar with Christian egalitarianism or have been taught that biblical womanhood unequivocally means silently submitting, ever-yielded to the men in their lives and churches, glorifying God best and only in their proper sphere at home, Bessey's ideas might be new and might prompt some thoughtful questioning.

The Canadian author describes her own "ah-ha" moment when she realized her upbringing and her own marriage didn't match her local church's female narrative during her brief years living in Texas:

Everywhere I turned, evangelical sermons on marriage were filled with "Oh, you know women" jokes. Generally speaking, women were perceived as soft, emotional, and naturally nurturing, while men were positioned as natural leaders, hating to talk about relationships, and requiring more sex. ... There was a lot of talk in those days of the "feminization of the Church" and how guys needed to step up and be men, which apparently resembled the ideal of benevolent dictators, rather than the Son of Man. (44)

While I've definitely been exposed to books and teaching that contains elements of what Bessey described, I thankfully do not feel that level of oppression in my own church, be it smack in the middle of the Bible Belt. Instead of stirring up my inner rabble-rouser, this book allowed me to know Sarah Bessey more-- from her "happy-clappy" Jesus-loving Pentecostal upbringing to her beautiful, accidentally egalitarian marriage to her traumatic experiences in childbirth to her eye-opening trip to Haiti. And I like her. I like a lot of what she says:

About biblical womanhood:

Biblical womanhood isn't so different from biblical personhood. Biblical personhood becomes a dead list of rules when it becomes a law to keep. If we have a long list of rules-- Put others first! Be generous! Give money! Believe this! Do that!-- it's a dead religion from a glorified rule book.  

When our hearts, minds and souls are deep within the reality of living loved, we discover most of those "rules" from Sunday school are simply our new characteristics and our family traits. They are the fruit born of a meaningful life-changing relationship-- they are the flowers of life in the Vine. And there are many expressions and ways to live out love, joy, peace, kindness, patience, gentleness, faithfulness, self-control, and goodness--as men, as women, as wives, as husbands, as mothers, as fathers, as friends, as disciples. Marriage and motherhood are not the only way to biblical womanhood... (98)

And this:

We are not biblical women because we achieve status as a stay-at-home mother and home-cook every meal. We are not men of God because we alone make the "hard decisions" and exclusively provide for our families, let alone because together we live our some version of the Greco-Roman household code. We are not living biblically by stuffing our true gifts and callings and passions into worn-out cliches, turning scriptural encouragement and invitations into new rules.
Our work in this life grows from the tree of his great love for us, birthed out of a growing and real relationship with Love itself. The organic blossoming of the fruit of the Spirit is only because of our life in the Vine. Whether we turn to the right or to the left, our ears will hear a voice behind, saying "This is the way; walk in it." (100-101)

On God's "Father-Mother heart" (And I love, love this):

... my Abba gave me a glimpse--just a glimpse-- of his great unconditional love for us through my love for my own tines. After that, I could not see him the same anymore. He wasn't in the fire or in the hurricane or in the earthquake; he was in the still, small voice--the creaking of my rocking chair in the wee hours of the morning, and the daily practices even in the never-forgotten lines from the old praise chorus "As the deer panteth for the water, so my soul longeth after thee" on my lips, sleeping milk-drunk babies, one after another, in my arms. He was in the sacred every-day of my life, redeeming it all, teaching me to pray, filling me with joy in my weakness, teaching me to rely on him. Here, I learned how I am more than my daily work, and yet he kept showing up in the mundane. (113)

On women's ministry:

You have a great women's ministry when there is room for everyone. You have a great women's ministry when you have detoxed from the world's views and unattainable standards for women and begun to celebrate the everyday women of valor, sitting next to you, and when you encourage, affirm, and welcome the diversity of women-- their lives, their voices, their experiences-- to the community.
You have a great women's ministry when your women are ministering -- to the world, to the church, to one another -- pouring out freely the grace they have received, however God has gifted them, including cooking and crafts, strategy and leadership.
There is not one way to be a woman; there is not one way to do women's ministry. There is only loving and serving God, doing life together in the full expression of our unique selves. Make room for them all and give glory to God." (132-133)

On the Kingdom of God:

As we follow Christ in the counsel of the Holy Spirit, resting in the love of our Abba, we no longer fear-- ... this fearless love allows the mission of God to infuse our smallest seed lives, growing through to our families, our communities, our culture, our government--tendrils twining

That's just a taste of what got me scribbling in the margins. I've always loved the idea of the Body of Christ, with each member knit together in life, functioning and expressing the Head. Much of what Bessey writes seems rooted in this biblical principle.

The short of it:
Overall, Jesus Feminist argues gently that women should be allowed to teach, lead and work in their marriages, their churches and other spheres of influence. Marriages and all relationships within and outside of the church work best and glorify God the most when all members are allowed and encouraged to use their unique gifts, which, contrary to some patriarchal views, might look like a woman "leading the charge" as the breadwinner of her household, as the CEO of a company or as the lead pastor of a church. But it doesn't have to look that way. It could also simply be women taking the lead to serve where they see needs. And it absolutely does look this way in many, many churches across the full range of the patriarchal/egalitarian spectrum.

My take-away:
Bessey's oft-repeated metaphor of coming outside to join others at the beach-beacon bonfires, I now see is not as a call to eschew socially conservative churches or to shirk a love-and-respect-complimentarian-style marriage. No, her message is much less controversial. Bessey is advocating that all women (and men) seek God earnestly and obey His still small voice. That we initiate justice and Christian community through servanthood in the places where injustice runs rampant-- be it the lonely corridors of a state-subsidized nursing home or the slums of Haiti, the local shelter for battered women or the well-greased machine of child-trafficking in Asia. That we be led by God's stirring in our spirit and use our unique, God-given gifts to act upon those motions. And that we are commissioned to initiate genuine community with other women, to together take a step toward our true Head and submit to Him our eyes, ears, hands and feet. We are called together to identify with Christ and His unifying mission.

I finished this book in the wee hours of Saturday, and then eagerly discussed it with my husband, Joe, as he rinsed and loaded the dishwasher (to give you a little hint of where we're at on the complimentarian-egalitarian spectrum). As I pondered what Abba's still small voice was whispering to me, I felt renewed encouragement to pursue a little wish-dream of mine: to lead a parenting study/prayer group with other moms. It begins this Tuesday, and, bolstered on Bessey's stirring prose, I'm so excited to light my own little bonfire.

Purpose-driven simplicity: Some thoughts on "Organized Simplicity"

So the book I was trying to find when I found Richard Foster's "Freedom of Simplicity," was Tsh Oxenreider's Organized Simplicity, which I've borrowed from the library and am reading now.

Despite the shared keyword "simplicity," these two books are worlds apart: one written by a theologian, the other by a homeschooling homemaking maven and blogger. Yet, if I were to draw up a Venn diagram, there is actually quite a bit of overlap between the two books. Both authors are Christian, both advocate not buying in to the materialistic, debt-inducing culture of "more," both argue that busyness isn't a sign of success, and both urge a single, unified purpose in all we do. Oxenreider views this purpose as something a married couple should determine together for their entire family, and to even draw up a formal family purpose statement to serve as a reminder of that "true north."  While Foster's book is written for hungry, "meat"-eating Christians, Oxenreider tries to appeal to a broader audience by leaving life's ultimate purpose open ended. 

While my husband initially chaffed against the idea of writing up a mission statement, I liked the idea of pondering what kind of memories I want my three boys to have of their childhoods. I want to consider what traits, values and even culture I want to leave them as a legacy. Figuring out what should make our little Parrino clan unique goes a long way toward actually making deliberate decisions and actions toward becoming what we envision. And that leads to a simpler life as we shed obligations, time commitments, and material possessions that run counter to our purpose. So, I decided to try my hand at jotting down some dreams for my family. I have not arrived at the concise mission statement stage yet-- and to be honest, I might not ever if I can't bring Joe around to the idea of it-- but at least my scattered wishful thought are starting to take shape as a more complete vision for how our family should operate. 

Just for fun, I'll share my hopes with the blogosphere:

I want to...

• Cook with my boys once a week
• Send them outside to play every day that's dry and above freezing
• Cultivate daily journaling once they're able to write
• Read Bible and pray before bed
• Go on monthly daddy-son or mommy-son dates with each boy
• As soon as Stephen can drive, pay for he and Rockam to grab dinner together
• As soon as Rockam can drive, do the same for Oliver
• World travel, possibly alternating years with Joe and each boy
• Create a culture of giving over getting or wanting
• Weekly evening unplugged to read or create
• Each son can have one extracurricular of his choice at a time
• We'll appreciate nature and art
• We'll delve into history and geography
• We'll appreciate and accept other Christian traditions, taking note of the true, lovely and noble in other believers
• We prize creativity, humility and sincerity 
• Holidays will center on meaningful, historically accurate, spiritual and fun activities-- not on consumerism or excessive gluttony.
• We'll all learn to budget and give away money
• We'll champion the oppressed
• We'll respect and honor women
• We'll nurture a servant heart and love our neighbors
• We'll entertain dinner guests weekly and treat them generously and ask them lots of questions 
• We'll try new foods and value healthy eating
• We'll fast and find ways to experience solidarity with oppressed people groups
• We'll get comfortable praying together
• We'll hike, picnic, explore and camp
• We'll live abroad for a season