Marie Kondo's "Spark Joy" treats all items as worthy of gratitude and respect

Marie Kondo's new book, Spark Joy, is meant as a companion guide to her best-selling The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up with practical advice on folding clothing, filing papers, organizing hobby goods and storing kitchen gear. To this end, the book is full of hand drawn how-to illustrations. Kondo also infuses the book with philosophy and approaches these mess magnets while valuing aesthetics and emotion as well as utility.

Let me get all my reservations out of the way and end the post on the plentiful positive notes contained in Spark Joy.

I think the most striking thing to me throughout this book, besides the lovely title, is Kondo's religious or spiritual approach to non-living things. While the book is not overtly religious, an animist worldview saturates the popular Japanese tidying guru's KonMari way. Christians should be aware of this before investing themselves in the nitty gritty of Kondo's method.

For example, when discarding an item that is no longer needed or no longer "sparks joy" as it's held close to the heart, Kondo offers a moment of gratitude to the object itself and thanks it for its service. One anecdote recalls Kondo and her father bowing to a plush dog during their impromptu memorial service for the once adored but eventually allergenic stuffed animal. It sounds like the stuff of sitcoms, but Kondo relates this story sincerely.

As I get older, the lines between physical and spiritual have blurred and bled. But I draw a bright line at attributing a spirit to non-living things.

"Apartment Therapy" a visual treat for modern eclectic collectors

So. I just moved into a new house a few weeks ago. Because this is the first abode I've genuinely felt excited about inhabiting, I'm brimming with ideas to make it "my own." Maxwell Ryan and Janel Laban's Apartment Therapy: Complete + Happy Home with its 300 pages of full color photos brought me into the dwellings of well-to-do homeowners and renters, city and country folk.

While I enjoyed gawking at all the photos and imagining the designers, artists, professors and CEOs that actually lived in the locations featured, I didn't feel there were too many ideas that applied to my tidy, 1940s brick cape cod. Most of the rooms featured - especially living rooms and bathrooms- were truly oversize. Even the supposed "entry-level" apartment has an open, airy feeling afforded by gigantic windows.

Review of "Mothering From Scratch" by Melinda Means & Kathy Helgemo

Instead of clarifying my goals as mother, reading multiple parenting guides can often muddy the waters, as many books give contradicting methods and philosophies. Usually, I end up taking a little bit away from every book, some more than others. Bloggers Melinda Means' and Kathy Helgemo's new book Mothering From Scratch: Finding the Best Parenting Style for You and Your Family got my hopes up. Here was a book that validated my pick and choose approach to mothering, and promised to help me determine when a certain style or practice was a good fit for me and my family. I think what this book ended up being was Means and Helgemo's recipe for how they've parented from scratch, with little bites of wisdom from all over the body of Christian parenting literature as well as what they've gleaned over time from each other and from their blog community. The book's strengths are in its overall affirming message, the honesty and friendliness of the authors and some very helpful points. However, because of the book's scattered, eclectic format, I didn't feel like it helped me hone in on my best parenting style. I'm giving it 3 out of 5 stars.

What I liked:
The authors do provide wisdom culled from their many years mothering and thoughtfully assessing different parenting styles learned from books, other moms and their own mothers. In particular, I was forced to reevaluate myself in the chapter "Mom Mentors: Turning Rivals to Resources," and I plan to pray over the authors' gentle urging to forge one good peer-to-peer mentoring relationship this year. This honest, insightful look into the fallen way we women often mistakenly view our peers as rivals in this quest for perfection was the most helpful part of the book for me.

Secondly, the authors' own vulnerability comes through with honesty and humor from the very first pages. I loved the example these two women set for their readers: They come from different social and even denominational backgrounds, yet they've opened their hearts to each other to produce something to help other moms. For readers who don't want to be talked down to and received with open arms, Means and Helgemo offer refreshing voices.

Thirdly, I feel the overall emphasis on grace and ditching the goal of being a perfect mom is helpful and healthy for any Christian parent. The final section of the book, "Mothering with Wisdom and Grace," encourage women to make space for "satisfying self-care," including time alone with their Father. Many Christian parenting books assume that readers already know to do this, and focus instead on methods or philosophies or desired outcomes of their brand of parenting. The authors make time in prayer, reflection and Bible study a key component of their mothering recipe.

What I didn't like:
I docked the first star for stylistic reasons; other readers might really like the magazine quality of the book's format with its constant switching between the two authors, testimonies from others, sidebars and pull quotes. I felt distracted and a little annoyed that this, like too many books geared toward moms, assume we all have ADD and can only handle focusing on a particular topic for 20 seconds.

The second star I took away is what I feel the root detractor of the book (for me). The book's cover, which features a lovely photograph of flour dusted hands cradling an imperfect, tender heart of dough, has a poetic beauty that drew me in. Perhaps because of the message of many books I've read in the last year-- Kingsolver's Animal, Vegetable, Miracle, Pollan's Cooked, Sweet's From Tablet to Table and Noll's Slow Family Living to name just a few-- I fancied this book might also encourage moms toward slowing down, treasuring little moments with their children and cutting out the chaos of a highly-processed life. But in many places the book actually cuts the other way. For example, they advise moms to stock up on pre-made meals to give them more time for other responsibilities. This wasn't really a big deal; I just misread the cover design.

My second unfulfilled expectation was the one I couldn't ignore. The subtitle, "Finding the Best Parenting Style for You and Your Family," caused me to assume the authors might discuss in more depth the main parenting philosophies out there and give pros and cons of each. Perhaps devoting a chapter to each, and including personal testimonies and profiles from real moms who thrived or struggled under those philosophies/strategies to help illustrate why a particular parenting style was or wasn't the best for someone. Obviously, as the book does clearly stress, no one is going to really find that a particular book or philosophy exactly fits their personality and family's needs (unless they themselves author the book!) Therefore, I also imagined a concluding section that gave tips on how to choose the best from various parenting outlooks, how to create that personal style from scratch, using ingredients from all the parenting wisdom out there. Those that liked the book more than I did might argued the authors do provide advice for someone to determine their style, (Take the Myers-Briggs Personality Type Indicator Test! --I'm an INFP, btw), to determine their family's needs (Ask them!), and drop what doesn't work (If you don't like being crafty, don't do it!) I just felt like what were meant as sage advice were kind of no-brainers.

I don't want to end on such a snarky note. Truth is, I'm so far from figuring out this weighty, wonderful adventure of raising three boys. I could and did gain valuable insight from this book, despite having to sift through a bit of clutter in my search to find it.

*Thanks to Bethany House Publishers for a free copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.*

Books to teach gratitude to moms

Well, I couldn't very well post some children's books on gratitude without recommending a couple of books for grown-ups. As much as I'm a fan of literature-based learning, the "book" my children read everyday is my life. I model my heart of gratitude (or greed) each day through what I say, what I spend my time doing and what expression I wear on my face. Usually what I've been reading and pondering have a big impact on the story I live.

If you're following me on this thought, here are two books I highly recommend to help put things into proper perspective:

One Thousand Gifts by Ann Vosskamp
I read this book two years ago after a dear friend gave it to me. In our current culture of always wanting more, more, more, Vosskamp turns our attention to the countless blessings we already have. The farmer's wife and mother of six takes Philippians 4:8 to heart and task, by keeping her eyes and heart wide open for what things are lovely, virtuous and pure in her everyday life. Vosskamp shares both her struggles with anxiety and the simple practice of keeping a gratitude journal that refocused her eyes on everyday miracles and freed her from pain. The opening chapter of the book does contain a very tragic memory of losing her sister at a young age, which might be a trigger for some readers who have faced similar losses. Vosskamp's poetic writing style takes a little getting used to, as she has a dreamy, stream of consciousness approach to retelling some of her story. But once you fall into the rhythm of her voice, you'll probably feel inspired to start recording your own list of daily gifts and writing poetically. I loved the way she was able to transform the most mundane moment into something holy. Her musing on nature and moments with her children resonated with me especially. You might also enjoy her beautiful blog, A Holy Experience, which incidentally, is where I learned about the author and ministry of the following book:

Kisses From Katie by Katie Davis
Cultivating gratitude goes beyond just counting our blessings and feeling good about our lives. A deep seated gratitude releases us and fuels us to live the way we were created to live in God's image. In The Message, the latter half of Romans 12:1 is translated "Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit in without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you." Ponder those words for a moment. What would that look like in real life? If you want to see what that counter-culture lifestyle looks like, read this book.

Born and raised in the ritzy suburbs of Nashville, Katie Davis lived a charmed American life. Homecoming queen, top of her class, she says in her introduction that she, "dated cute boys, wore cute shoes and drove a cute sports car." She was on a track to go to college, marry her sweetheart and live a comfortable life. Kisses From Katie tells the story of how she fell head-over-heals in love with Jesus and the people of an impoverished Ugandan village during a short-term missions trip. It's been more than five years, and Davis is still in Uganda. She's bid goodbye to her former life and culture. And she's so thankful for the materially spartan but busy and spiritually rich life she now lives. She's started Amazima, a ministry that sponsors children so they can attend school and stay with their birth families. More importantly, she's become adoptive mother to 14 children.

Now, when I first read about Davis adopting all these children, some of whom she nursed back to health from the brink of starvation and fatal disease, I was a little skeptical- perhaps even defensive. How could a girl in her early twenties truly be a mom to all those kids? I mean, I have trouble truly loving my tiny brood of three most days. I thought she must have been more like a teacher at an orphanage school or a den mom at a girl's home than a real mom. But by the second half of the book, I saw; no, I felt her mother's heart for her girls. And I saw what it looks like to be genuinely yielded to God, and filled to overflowing with his Spirit of love. Davis recognized what God wanted from her and quickly responded to it. In return, he brought out the best in her. I'm not going to give away more of the plot because I want you to read this book. For my fellow Hoptowners, it will be at the library this weekend after I return it :).

Review of "Clutterfree with Kids"

As a mom of three boys, I read Joshua Becker's Clutterfree with Kids hoping to gain insight into pairing down our household possessions to the essential and limiting the influx of gifts from well-meaning relatives each holiday and birthday. The author is sort of a minimalist guru who runs popular blog, becomingminimalist.com. Becker seemed to echo other writings on simplicity with familiar ideas, such as: own less to live more, value relationships over things, be free of debt, live below your means, and treasure the simple things in life.

Clutterfree is arranged into three sections: 1) Change Your Thinking, 2) Discover New Habits and 3) Free Your Life. The first and third sections are predominantly philosophical. The middle section gets more practical with chapters on various areas of life that tend toward clutter: toys, clothes, artwork, sentimental items, collections, screens, photos, gifts, packing, schedules and baby gear. Each of these chapters begins with an anecdote about a mom who learned to de-clutter that particular area before launching into general suggestions for controlling clutter.

After reading the roughly 200 double-spaced pages, I was disappointed that I didn't find any really new or innovative ideas to help me build on my already minimalist-leaning ideology. I also found the writing to be sometimes repetitious and scattered, like a compilation of bullet points converted into a series of short, loosely connected paragraphs. A sprinkling of typos and style issues made the text appear a little cluttered to this former copy editor. But normal people probably won't find these detractors as irksome as I did!

On the plus side, the book’s strength is in motivating readers to reject their own consumerist and materialistic tendencies, creating a minimalist mindset that should, ideally, trickle down to the children they parent. Many of the ideas in this book weren't necessarily kid-specific; however, I agree with Becker's view that if the parents change, the kids will learn through their example. Throughout the book, he reiterates principles for simplifying life by focusing on relationships and the gifts money can't buy, such as contentment, generosity, curiosity and imagination. While all of this certainly resonated with me, I can't say I had any epiphanies. Some of his suggestions did illuminate the fact that Joe and I actually already make a lot of minimalist choices: we don't own a TV, we buy clothing only to replace something that has worn out, we encourage our boys to go outside rain or shine, and we make a habit of giving money, time and hospitality to others.

In sum, I can appreciate and promote Becker’s message: Living clutter-free is not about having a beautiful home that is the envy of all your neighbors. In fact, the final chapter is devoted to warning readers against the pitfalls of envy and comparison. Eliminating clutter means breaking free from the bondage of “stuff” and giving yourself the mental and physical space to really focus on relationships with those you love.

Review of "Slow Family Living"

My life is anything but slow. Between cooking, cleaning, clothing, diapering, wiping, burping, bathing, transporting, disciplining and putting to bed (sometimes multiple times) three children, there's not a lot of time to "take four slow deep breaths" as blogger Bernadette Noll suggests in the third mini-chapter of this book. But I do long for a life that isn't so frenzied and so driven by our be-busy-or-be-worthless culture. I want to live intentionally and to savor the truly important bits of motherhood. The title of this book, "Slow Family Living," seems to borrow vocabulary from the Slow Food Movement-- an effort to cook and eat fresh, locally grown and organic produce and to use techniques that hearken from a slower, simpler time. I thought Noll's book might be the parenting version of slow foods, but its is less about doing family the slow, old-fashioned way and more a collection of 75 activities, questionnaires and exercises to refocus your attentions on your family and to make the members of your family the centerpiece in everything you do in daily life.

The 75 ideas in this book fell into a few categories for me.

Things I liked and can imagine implementing:
#10 Listen with Your Heart Open - Really listening to your kids/spouse without interjecting.
#15 High Point-Low Point - Before bed, review the day and ask them their best and worst moments.
#16 The Blitz: A Family Tidy Up - Set a timer for 15 minutes of whole-family frenzied cleaning of the house.
#17 Spend Nothing Day - Just what it sounds like. 
#27 Do-Over - Train kids (and yourself) to request a "do-over" when you hear yourself say something unkind.
#36 Just Ten Extra Minutes - Plan 10 extra minutes into every activity or transition so that you don't have to hurry around like a madwoman herding cats.
#42 Sigh. Forgive. Let Go. Move On. - Again, pretty self-explanatory.
#55 Out with the Old - Each member of the family gets rid of one thing each day in December leading up to Christmas.

Things we already do:
#22 Go Outside and Play - Everyday above freezing, and sometimes below freezing, our boys are out there.
#34 Keeping a Family Journal - I think my other blog, The Daily Munchie, counts for this.
#63 Dance Party Rock Band - We call ours a "Robot Dance Party" and play Daft Punk. 
#68 DEAR (Drop Everything and Read) Time - I really had no idea this was a thing. And with a clever acronym to boot!
#71 Don't Sweep Until the Rice Dries - Except in my house, it's don't sweep until the macaroni has dried and been stepped on enough times to dislodge it from the floor.

Things I'd like to do in the future, but feel like it borders on wishful thinking:
#23 Camp Out at Home - Pitch a tent in the backyard on a weeknight. 
#50 A Night in the Park - Noll's family meets weekly with three other families at a local park to eat, chat and play the night away. I hope our family could be so blessed some day.

Stuff I just don't really want to do:
#9 Dropping Love Bombs - Kind of the group hug equivalent of dinging your glass at a wedding. Just not my thing.
#65 The Family Lemonade Stand - Or not.
#67 Freaky Friday - I hate that kind of movie, so I can only imagine the discomfort reenacting it with my children would bring.

OK, so I just summarized a quarter of the book for you :) Now a few minor criticisms: I think if you are drawn to a book called "Slow Family Living," you'll find that the concepts in this book will reinforce your parenting philosophy, but won't necessarily lend any earth-shattering new insights. You might also be frustrated if you don't have ready access to things like Noll's hometown of Austin, TX, readily offers, like a corner store within walking distance or plentiful public parks. (But, maybe if one is serious about slow family living, moving to a location that makes it possible is a serious consideration?) I also found some of the suggestions were a little too touchy-feely, pop-psychology for my personal tastes. Noll's writing style was also a tiny bit of a distraction for me, as she ends most chapters with a chirpy cliche like: "That's a win-win-win!" or "And who doesn't need more love?"  But I'd probably like her better in person than in print. Overall I recommend this book to someone looking for ideas to help enjoy family life more. I found that reading Noll's suggestions got me in the frame of mind to keep trying new things with my family to see what can help me connect more fully despite this frenetic age.

Purpose-driven simplicity: Some thoughts on "Organized Simplicity"

So the book I was trying to find when I found Richard Foster's "Freedom of Simplicity," was Tsh Oxenreider's Organized Simplicity, which I've borrowed from the library and am reading now.

Despite the shared keyword "simplicity," these two books are worlds apart: one written by a theologian, the other by a homeschooling homemaking maven and blogger. Yet, if I were to draw up a Venn diagram, there is actually quite a bit of overlap between the two books. Both authors are Christian, both advocate not buying in to the materialistic, debt-inducing culture of "more," both argue that busyness isn't a sign of success, and both urge a single, unified purpose in all we do. Oxenreider views this purpose as something a married couple should determine together for their entire family, and to even draw up a formal family purpose statement to serve as a reminder of that "true north."  While Foster's book is written for hungry, "meat"-eating Christians, Oxenreider tries to appeal to a broader audience by leaving life's ultimate purpose open ended. 

While my husband initially chaffed against the idea of writing up a mission statement, I liked the idea of pondering what kind of memories I want my three boys to have of their childhoods. I want to consider what traits, values and even culture I want to leave them as a legacy. Figuring out what should make our little Parrino clan unique goes a long way toward actually making deliberate decisions and actions toward becoming what we envision. And that leads to a simpler life as we shed obligations, time commitments, and material possessions that run counter to our purpose. So, I decided to try my hand at jotting down some dreams for my family. I have not arrived at the concise mission statement stage yet-- and to be honest, I might not ever if I can't bring Joe around to the idea of it-- but at least my scattered wishful thought are starting to take shape as a more complete vision for how our family should operate. 

Just for fun, I'll share my hopes with the blogosphere:

I want to...

• Cook with my boys once a week
• Send them outside to play every day that's dry and above freezing
• Cultivate daily journaling once they're able to write
• Read Bible and pray before bed
• Go on monthly daddy-son or mommy-son dates with each boy
• As soon as Stephen can drive, pay for he and Rockam to grab dinner together
• As soon as Rockam can drive, do the same for Oliver
• World travel, possibly alternating years with Joe and each boy
• Create a culture of giving over getting or wanting
• Weekly evening unplugged to read or create
• Each son can have one extracurricular of his choice at a time
• We'll appreciate nature and art
• We'll delve into history and geography
• We'll appreciate and accept other Christian traditions, taking note of the true, lovely and noble in other believers
• We prize creativity, humility and sincerity 
• Holidays will center on meaningful, historically accurate, spiritual and fun activities-- not on consumerism or excessive gluttony.
• We'll all learn to budget and give away money
• We'll champion the oppressed
• We'll respect and honor women
• We'll nurture a servant heart and love our neighbors
• We'll entertain dinner guests weekly and treat them generously and ask them lots of questions 
• We'll try new foods and value healthy eating
• We'll fast and find ways to experience solidarity with oppressed people groups
• We'll get comfortable praying together
• We'll hike, picnic, explore and camp
• We'll live abroad for a season